11 May 2015 @ 10:14 pm
I'm not feeling much of anything at the moment except self-loathing and guilt, so I've been hiding from everyone and everything*, deleted my locked Twitter and Facebook and stopped checking my email. I'm sorry for disappearing without warning and not responding to messages and comments. I'm not sure when I'll be back, but I will.

*Steam being an exception because gaming seems to be the only thing I can muster up the energy for. I haven't decided yet if the forced social aspect of Steam is a good or a bad thing.
25 May 2014 @ 03:34 pm
So at the beginning of the year I told a couple of you that I'd keep you updated on whether or not I'll be attending VidUKon, but thinking about the subject made me feel shitty because the circumstances are just shitty, and then I kept people waiting for my response about that, which made me feel even more shitty. But yeah, VidUKon isn't happening for me. Last year I felt pretty optimistic that this year things would look better for me money-wise and mental health-wise, but turns out they're even worse. It's sad because, who knows when I'll get another chance to meet some of you in person? Blergh.

On a brighter note though, I got in my premiere for the Eurovision vidshow! It's the vid that inspired The Poem. /o\ I was close to giving up on it and didn't quite make the deadline, but after a couple of all-nighters I was actually pretty pleased with it. Could have been A LOT better if I hadn't procrastinated so much and had the time for a beta, but it's okay. And I really like how the Eurovision show keeps making me vid things I would never have vidded otherwise.

I recently fell down the rabbit hole that is MCU fandom and have been spurting out vid ideas, none of which I have actually started working on, but maybe I'll manage to finish one of them for Vividcon premieres. Either that, or the TWD vid I abandoned shortly after season 4 ended, but am still really excited about because the song is perfect. If only I, you know, didn't have to actually vid it myself.
(I swear I love vidding even though it seems like all I ever do is moan about it.)

Think that's it for stuff on my vidding radar. I keep wanting to get in touch with some of you by other means (namely Twitter) because I really miss having vidders in my day-to-day online life. :((( I usually vent and squee about vidding things on Tumblr, but many of my favourite people don't use that.
The thing is, I still feel uncomfortable about crossing my streams too much; I was on Twitter years before I became a vidder, it consists of a lot of RL stuff, and my filterbubble is an entirely different world from the rest of my online life. Also, and more importantly, the majority of my followers are German, I tweet quite a bit in German, and I don't want any non-German speakers to feel like I'm excluding them.

Soooo TL;DR I made a Twitter account for vidding and fandom friends! It's ecaloiv. I'll probably start following a bunch of you as soon as I get over my shyness. #awkward
(But you're welcome to follow me on my main account too if you want!)
04 February 2014 @ 12:02 am
I wanted to tell you about all the ways in which my brain makes vidding hard, but my brain makes using words hard as well. I spent the day tweaking tiny little details in the signed version of one of my Festivids that nobody is going to notice. Hours were wasted. Nerves were wrecked. Drafts were exported and meticulously examined. For hours.
I don't know if I would call myself a perfectionist, but there's something about vidding, getting things right in vids, that makes me very anxious, and it's not even like they are anywhere near my definition of "perfect" in the end.

Maybe it's also the question of when to consider them complete; an issue with letting vids go.

In a couple of months I'll be able to look at them and not get irritated about the things I couldn't fix. Sigh.